


goodbye to the old world

by Tabi



Category: Suzumiya Haruhi Series, Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu | The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Genre: Community: 31_days, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-07
Updated: 2011-12-07
Packaged: 2017-10-27 01:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabi/pseuds/Tabi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyon and Koizumi are trapped within a Closed Space. There seems to be no way out, but there's always something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the 31_days prompt for the 1st of December 2011, "say goodbye to the old world"

"... What would I miss?" Koizumi's mouth twists into the usual smile, just the kind of smile that Kyon often tends to find annoying - like he isn't taking this seriously, like he _won't_ take this seriously. He doesn't feel that irritation now, somehow; he simply watches as Koizumi speaks, as he smiles, as he falls silent in thought. The answer is accompanied by the sort of handwave that is, also, typical of these conversations. "Why, that's quite a difficult question even to ask, let alone to _answer_...! What would I miss? That depends entirely on what we would be discarding. Perhaps she would change the world to be identical but for some obscure detail that only she finds annoying. How do we know that the universe has not been rewritten for the sake of our school's curry bread?" He smiles, still, but looks away from Kyon as he continues talking, out instead towards the city that lies beyond and beneath them. "... I'm sure I would miss many things, had I the potential to realise their absence. However, if the world really _was_ rewritten three years ago, as they say... what do _you_ miss from the old world?"

Kyon frowns both at the immediate need to answer the question and at the fact that he'd come to Koizumi with such a query and yet _still_ feels that slight exhaustion for his penchant of avoiding straightforward answers. Kyon leans back against the concrete and also stares forth towards the city, although occasionally turning to glance at Koizumi (who doesn't look back towards him). "I can't answer something like that. Three years ago? I remember stuff from before then."

"Due to the 'you' of three years ago being created with your memories firmly in place."

"So I don't remember anything of before."

"If the theory is true, of course." Another smile. "It may not be. Who can say? All the same... my point _is_ , I think you've just answered your own question."

"Seems kind of sad, though. That things could change, and you'd never know."

"We never would, no. Is it sad, though? Do you honestly feel regret for all of the things that never were, that you never even knew the concept to know their existence in the first place...? Why, that must be a heavy burden placed upon your shoulders..."

The city before them is grey and silent, as expected from a Closed Space. Extending out as far as they know, and then perhaps even as far as they don't. This should be different, even Kyon knows that much; wasn't Closed Space primarily for the Espers to 'treat' Haruhi, to get rid of the physical manifestation of her frustration...? There should be Celestials and destruction and other Espers and--... and anything but _this_ , this _silence_ , this _emptiness_. And yet, he and Koizumi are still sat on the roof of this building, looking out towards all of the nothing currently taking place. Still sat there, working over theories and tossing out thoughts like they were nothing. Koizumi still smiles, and for a moment Kyon almost allows himself to relax; when Koizumi smiles, it's almost as if he knows what he's doing.

"So what _should_ we be doing?"

"I wonder."

"You're the one who knows about Closed Space, not me. Shouldn't you be trying to, I don't know, contact your Organisation or summoning other Espers or something like that...?" Kyon speaks with what he hopes is a sense of urgency without descending into panic; they'll get nowhere by panicking, he knows _that_ much. Panicking, also, does not seem to be Koizumi's style. For all of this, however, Koizumi continues on as if the suggestion had never been made in the first place.

"If she were to change the city, I would miss it. I would miss our school. I'd miss the shops, I'd miss the houses, I'd miss the people I pass by every day without thinking. Whatever she changed, I would miss... is what I'd like to say. All the same, there is so much that she doesn't know about, that she _can't_ know about, and yet... would it still change? Matters of war, and of politics. Perhaps her rational mind knows that they must exist, or thinks that they must exist, but then comes the eternal question - what manner of benevolent god would allow such suffering? From that, we could deduce either that she - or her powers - are not benevolent, or they are not those of a bona fide god. ...Or so it seems to me, at least."

"Koizumi--"

Rather than make any sort of determined move, Koizumi places his hand over Kyon's own. Simply, as if resigned. "If the world were to be reborn, I would like for us to meet again." Again, this causes a smile, and Kyon _does_ feel slight annoyance. "That almost sounds like a song lyric, doesn't it? I wonder what song it could be... it could be any, I suppose. Nothing that immediately springs to mind. If we could access the internet then I'm sure we could check, but that... would be..." He trails off. He doesn't need to finish his sentence.

Kyon hasn't said much, but feels like he should be saying more. Feels like they should be _doing_ more. They can get out of this, can't they?! There's always been a way previously. If they could just break out of the Closed Space, or somehow contact Nagato or Asahina-san, then, _then_ \--. They could surely do something...? Nagato certainly could. It was perhaps generous to say _she can do anything!_ but Kyon almost thinks that she can, sometimes.

He thinks of all the possible and unlikely methods of escape and he thinks of all the friends they could call upon, favours they could pull. He thinks of this and he thinks of that but instead he turns to Koizumi and he sighs. "This is because of us, isn't it?"

Smile. "Probably."

"We never--... _said_ anything, though..."

That much was true, but they both knew the words ineffective even as they were spoken. True; nothing had ever been said. How much could you get away with through neglect rather than confrontation? They had never said anything and would never _dare_ say anything, but that didn't mean that they were not, still, completely noticeable. Kyon, at least, had tried not to be (and trusted Koizumi to feel and behave the same way). He worried that through this determination, he had undermined his own goal; trying too hard over something that meant far too much. And they _hadn't_ said anything. They hadn't said anything, tried their hardest only to address such things in private, try to behave in public like nothing was different and nothing was wrong and it wasn't _wrong_ , so to speak, but were she to find out, then...

(then, _this_.)

Koizumi keeps his hand over Kyon's own, tucking in his fingers to clasp beneath Kyon's palm. "She's a perceptive young woman. I'm sure that will serve her well in the future."

Kyon sighs his impatience. "I don't--... it doesn't help us _now_ for her to be perceptive, does it?! So... we should probably try to... we should try to figure something out."

"What do you think that she will do, though?"

"I don't know--! She could--"

Koizumi shakes his head, "No, no, I want to know what you're thinking. I want to know what you _actually_ think that Suzumiya-san is capable of."

"What am I meant to say other than all the stuff I've heard from you, Nagato and Asahina-san? Being some sort of god, or at least some sort of super-powered being, able to change the timelines and reset the world and--"

"There, see. Reset. I do wonder, I will admit, what will happen from here onward. I believe she might be feeling doubt and suspicion and, perhaps, no small amount of jealousy. Confusion as to if her thoughts are even correct; what has she seen or heard? What is it that she thinks she suspects to begin with...? Closed Space forms around Celestials born of her frustrations, her insecurities, her anxieties. The brute-force method may subside her feelings for long enough to be useful to us, but--"

"You're speaking like there are Celestials here to fight."

"... I know."

"And like other Espers could get in here to fight them."

"I know."

"It'll only go away once she's satisfied, right? Once it all makes sense to her. What are we supposed to do, walk up to her face and say 'oh by the way Haruhi, we're definitely not seeing each other' or 'whatever it is you thought you saw, you didn't' or... or something like that...? We don't know what's going on in that head of hers, what she saw or thinks she saw or thinks she thinks she saw or _anything_."

Again, Koizumi smiles. He too leans back against the concrete, one hand supporting the back of his head while the other remains in the same place it always did. "We do seem to be facing catastrophe on the whim of a theoretical, I will admit." He opens his eyes, stares at the sky, and doesn't smile. "... Whatever your thoughts are, I imagine we should probably start to concoct a plan. ...I also imagine that we either have no time in which to do so or, perhaps even worse, all of the time in the world." He turns to face Kyon then (and Kyon feels a distinct sense of worry for the loss of Koizumi's smile), "... Such an eventuality may, indeed, be our punishment. ...That is, however, our own fault."


	2. Chapter 2

The morning is so normal that Kyon barely dedicates thought into noticing; he is woken up ten minutes before his alarm by his sister, who seems far too excitable for this early in the morning. _Give me back my ten minutes--!_ He washes and he dresses and he goes downstairs for breakfast, thinking about nothing in particular. He leaves for school and wonders, idly, if they had any homework. He doesn't _remember_ any homework, but is sure that somebody will mention _something_ that he should have done, or should be doing. Some ongoing project, some piece of coursework, _something_. Whatever.

He arrives at school without incident. So does Haruhi; she seems the same as usual. Enters the classroom beaming over her latest plan. She's got the outfits, she says. Outfit _s_. Plural. She folds her arms and leans back in her chair, her expression nothing short of entirely gleeful. Kyon wishes that he didn't feel that the happier _she_ was the more unhappy he was likely to be, but knew that that usually happened to be the case. Still, outfits... outfits for all of them? Including the delightful Asahina-san...? Perhaps there was the silver lining. She made anything look good, didn't she? Kyon allowed himself to slip off into a happy daydream as lessons started. Whatever it was they had to put up with, it would be worth putting up with for _her_.

There comes morning break, and Haruhi rushes off (for whatever reason). She tells Kyon to be at the clubroom over lunchtime under pain of death; he believes her, and has no reason not to go. In the meantime is breaktime; the weather is good, and so they go outside. Taniguchi and Kunikida are wrapped up in their conversation, but Kyon feels some inexplicable urge to go to the roof. He excuses himself, and they don't ask questions; they're used to him coming and going under the whims of that Suzumiya, after all. He thinks for a moment to contest that he doesn't do _everything_ she says (or at least that not everything he does is directly due to her), but can't be bothered for these discussions so early in the morning.

He goes to the roof and Koizumi is there, as Kyon thought that he might be. Why he felt this and why, indeed, he felt the need to act on it, he isn't sure. He approaches Koizumi all the same, who is stood there with his arms leant against the railings. They both look out towards the sports ground for what feels like a long, silent moment. If there is anything to be said, it feels - just for the moment - like it lies tantalisingly out of their grasp.

Kyon looks down at his hands. "I... thought you'd be here."

"I thought you'd come here, too. I wonder what that means?"

"Hm. I was hoping you'd be able to tell me."

Again, they fall to silence. Kyon thinks about how he's quite glad he didn't inform Taniguchi and Kunikida as to his whereabouts after all - what would be worse, them thinking that he blew them off for Haruhi's sake or them knowing he'd gone off to entertain the presence of some other guy? That flashy transfer student? Taniguchi's thoughts towards Koizumi seemed to wheel between irritation for his obvious popularity with the female population of the school to annoying amusement for all the times he would approach Kyon; _he's always smiling at you! Do you think he's... you know? Has he got a girlfriend? He could totally have any girl in the year-- no, in the whole school! Why wouldn't you take advantage of that sort of thing? Auuugh, I can't stand guys like that--!_

Kyon is sure that Koizumi has his own reasons behind his own lack of romantic status - or could indeed be hiding anything like that from everybody, even. Koizumi's position within the Organisation seems to be to hide things for a living, after all. Perhaps he just doesn't want others knowing his private business. Perhaps - and Kyon thinks this more likely - all of _this_ with Haruhi leaves somebody like him very little time or space to be able to handle such matters. He thinks, sometimes, about asking Koizumi. _Do you have a girlfriend? Is there somebody you like? What sorts of girls do you like, anyway?_ He thinks about asking these things, but has not yet done so. More often than not, their conversations fall back to Haruhi and Haruhi alone; talking about that sort of thing with Koizumi, Kyon thinks, would be a little bit... strange. Not that he thinks he would be able to get a straight answer out of Koizumi anyway. _Is_ there somebody that Koizumi likes, or liked, or is going out with? Perhaps, maybe, maybe not. Would he tell, if prompted? Perhaps, maybe, maybe not.

"It's unusual to see you here at this time."

"Yeah, well... I just... thought I probably should, that's all. ...You... come here... often?" (Asking something like that just felt _wrong_ , somehow.)

"It's easier to make reports and receive word from my people somewhere that isn't so likely to be busy, during a break. ...I also seem to get unbroken signal up here, which is also quite useful. I don't believe today contains anything out-of-the-ordinary to report, however? I haven't heard anything, either. It would seem that today is just another normal day... wouldn't you say? Nice weather. Quite relaxing."

"She wants us in the clubroom at lunchtime, by the way. Don't know if she told you."

"Ah, no, I hadn't heard from Suzumiya-san yet today. For what reason, might I ask?"

"Dunno. Something to do with costumes. Probably going to be embarrassing."

Koizumi laughs at the thought, "I don't know about that...! She has quite the eye for fashion. I'm sure that, whatever it is she has chosen for us, will be quite spectacular. ...And there I thought that today would be only another normal day."

"Aren't many of those with _her_ around."

"You're right, you're right." Koizumi turns to face Kyon, smiling. As usual. "Surely better than things being boring though, don't you think? Looking from here at those students down at the track... they do the same things all the time, don't they? Warming up, running, training, trying to get better... and that's fine, but... I wonder what it's like, to have such a predictable school life? I can't decide if such a thing is pitiable or enviable, some days." He glances at the clock in the top corner of his phone. "Oh, we're almost out of time. Well, it was nice to see you, this breaktime - please, feel free to come here more often. ...It's nice to be able to talk without everything being a matter of emergency, after all."

Kyon stares at Koizumi, unable to shake the feeling that they're both missing the point, somehow. It _is_ almost time for the end of break, however, and they need time to get back to their classrooms before lessons start... he sighs, slightly, and makes his way back towards the door leading back down to the main school building. Sound carries up from the students below and around them, but Kyon hears Koizumi's footsteps behind him as he walks. He turns around when he reaches the door, "Koizumi--"

"Yes?"

"I--... I think I had... a dream, last night."

Koizumi tilts his head, looking unreasonably enthralled. "Oh? Was it interesting?"

"I don't--... know. I can't really remember." As soon as the words leave his mouth, Kyon feels slightly powerless and isn't entirely sure why that would be. He dreamt... didn't he? He hadn't thought of any of his dreams up to this point in the morning, hadn't remembered any dream to think even to think about in the first place, but now that he and Koizumi have to leave each other's company and go back to the rank and file, the need to mention it feels suddenly overpowering. Just for a moment. Koizumi responds to his indecision with that smile of his, patting Kyon on the shoulder and seeming, like always, like he wasn't taking this seriously. _Although why should he...?_

"Don't you hate it when that happens? So many dreams that leave our minds forever, the moment we think that we _would_ like to remember. I'm sure if it were really so important you would eventually come to remember it, though?"

Past experience had not proved this to be the case, but then how important _were_ dreams, really? Kyon faltered at the door. "... I guess."

Koizumi smiles as he holds the door open, "Come on. We don't want to be late now, do we...?" He lets the door fall to a close after Kyon walks through. "I'll see you at lunchtime, then. And be left to wonder what treats Suzumiya-san has in store for us in the meantime." He raises his hand as he makes his way down the staircase, "I'll see you then."

Kyon stands there and watches Koizumi leave, and still finds himself descending the staircase as the end-of-break chimes ring throughout the school. Almost as if there were _something_ \--... he shakes his head, trying to get himself back into the right frame of mind for his next class. He won't admit it, but likes to think that Koizumi might be correct - if it were really so important, then surely he would remember...? Surely. _Surely_.

In the meantime, however, came studying and _Haruhi_ and preparing for whatever it was that _she_ had prepared, and she still sat there with a beaming smile the size of Jupiter as he entered the classroom, only _slightly_ late. In another situation she might berate his delay, but her current plan seems to have her too happy for that. He is late to class, but the teacher is later, and so nobody in particular notices or minds (or asks any questions). Time ticks on towards lunchtime.

All seems right with the world.


End file.
